HIV tests are more positive than that guy
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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