Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
