she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
