You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
