i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
from now on my penis is your penis
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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