Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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