You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
