I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
