Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
