I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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