I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
