the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
