well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
