Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
