I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
