i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I love you. Go after that dick
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
