Nicole vs. Life
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
