so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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