Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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