return my video game
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
