I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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