He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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