Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
