I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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