I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
