i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
