i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
