Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
