Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
