I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'