Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I puked off the balcony.
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.