Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
