I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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