she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
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Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
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They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10