I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.