I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
