he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
