I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
