So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
