so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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