i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
