but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
