I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
