I wish I could teleport
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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