Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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