Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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