thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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