now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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