Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
even my farts smell like vagina
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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