Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
