i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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