I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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