My nipple is on Facebook.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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