Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
