I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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