I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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