scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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