If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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