Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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