I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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