my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
