get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
