This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
