I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
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I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
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How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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