Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize