Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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