Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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