I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Randomize