I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
