Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
