either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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