I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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