I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
