Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize