If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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