woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
