If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
