walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
